Power and self-empowerment are hot topics in the self-help, personal development, and coaching world – especially since the rise of books like The Secret. We hear phrases like, “own your power”, “you have the power to create your destiny”, and/or “take your power back” on a daily basis. Just spend 5 minutes scrolling though Instagram and you’ll see what I mean.
Yet, what’s typically not discussed is the true nature of authentic self-empowerment and what it actually requires of us.
Unfortunately, what’s often promoted as the path to personal power involves a spiritual bypass that ultimately keeps us disempowered. We can’t just recite affirmations, think positively, and visualize our way into true self-empowerment. Yes, those things may make you feel good, but it’s only surface level.
What gets bypassed in this approach is the depth of internal excavation, shadow work, that’s necessary to embody and activate authentic power. I realize that may trigger some of you, but stay with me for a minute.
The Truth
Authentic power requires that we get honest about our patterns of disempowerment. This includes dismantling victim consciousness, and all the subtle and sneaky ways we engage with it.
In addition, we must explore how we participate in the disempowerment of others, even through complacency. Disempowering others in any way is not authentic power. Rather, it’s false power.
Last, we have to take full responsibility for our lives and our choices. Subconsciously you may fear this kind of power because deep down you know you’d have to DO something different. You may need to confront someone, change careers, or leave a toxic relationship. The truth is, doing something different usually feels risky, unknown, and uncertain. As a result, you may disconnect from your power to avoid the risk of change.
What is Self-Empowerment?
Self-empowerment is the ability to lead our lives with a sense of creative control – to proactively choose, create, and live in a way that honors our values, needs, and desires. It gives us freedom of choice. Yet, it’s an inner state of being, not dependent on outer circumstances.
However, self-empowerment requires some very important things – self-honesty, self-love, self-acceptance, and self-responsibility.
Although we each have the same creative power within us, self-empowerment is not innate and it’s not a given. Instead, it’s something that has to be earned through the process of growth – overcoming challenges, struggle, healing, and hardship.
Yet, it’s not a process of gaining something outside of us. Rather, it’s one of revealing what was there all along – AND – activating new seeds of potential.
We all have seeds of power within us that remain dormant until we develop the spiritual maturity, strength, and capacity to embody greater power.
Disempowerment
Unfortunately, we live in a world that promotes disempowerment, separation, and victimization. As a result, we are taught to disconnect from our power or give it away to others. Or, we buy into the illusion that we don’t have any. In addition, too often, our power gets buried under oppression, repression, trauma, and pain.
When we are disempowered we feel like life is happening TO us, rather than through us. We feel like we have no control and no ability to create a change. As a result, we don’t feel safe, which further traumatizes us. We feel stuck, trapped, and limited.
However, self-empowerment is available to us all when we embrace the challenge of inner growth. It naturally emerges as we heal the core wounds of disempowerment, and deconstruct the false beliefs and narratives that disconnect us from our power. And, once we engage the healing process, we activate the creative power of our wholeness and potential.
What is Shadow Work
In psychology, shadow work is the process of integrating the lost and disowned parts of the self – the parts we hide in shame or guilt, even from ourselves. These are the parts you do not like, nor do you want to admit to anyone, even yourself. This is because they are in direct conflict with the persona you present to the world, and the person you imagine yourself to be. By the way, we all have a shadow so please don’t try to convince yourself that you don’t have one.
Here’s the thing…the shadow thrives in the darkness, and that is where it has power OVER you! And when your shadow has power over you, two key issues happen that thwart authentic self-empowerment.
One, you are in conflict with yourself, and that division of the self limits your inner resources. You just don’t have the mental, emotional or energetic bandwidth to hold greater power. Authentic empowerment is accessed through wholeness, not division.
Second, the shadow becomes your power blindspot. In this blindspot, you can’t even see the potential for authentic empowerment. Further, you are blinded to the contents in your shadow that are keeping you stuck. This is why it’s so important to work with a trusted coach or therapist. We just can’t see our own power blindspots!
Although shadow work may feel messy at times, it’s not something to fear because it’s deeply healing, freeing and empowering. The shadow is your KEY to authentic self-empowerment.
When you courageously acknowledge and accept all of who you are with unconditional compassion, you heal those internal conflicts, and activate new seeds of power and potential.
Exploring the Shadow
The MOST important aspect of all shadow work is unconditional self-love, self-compassion, and self-acceptance! I cannot stress this enough! This is the ONLY way to integrate the disowned parts of the self, and reclaim your innate wholeness.
Shadow work is not about shame, blame or judgment, and it’s also not about perfection. Further, it’s not about right or wrong. In fact, it’s the judgment, right/wrong, shame and blame thinking that put those parts of yourself in the shadow to begin with. Therefore, the only way to heal and integrate your wholeness is through acceptance and love.
My Journey to Authentic Self-Empowerment
I share this lesson from personal experience, and a whole lot of hard won insight. I have traveled the depths of disempowerment and victim consciousness from decades of abuse of varying kinds, from different men, and even from myself. And I’ve also spent nearly 20 years on the path of healing, shadow work, and authentic self-empowerment.
To get here, I had to face all of myself, including all of the ways in which I had given my power over to others. Further, I had to embrace the wounded girl in me who didn’t have the self-worth or self-esteem to know she had any power. And I had to help her heal through a whole lot of self-love.
I also had take full responsibility for all of my choices, including how I disempowered myself through self-betrayal and self-abandonment. And I had to learn how to forgive myself so I could integrate these shadow aspects and reclaim my wholeness. Last, I had to let go of the belief that life was happening to me, because that is the very nature of victim consciousness.
Instead, I decided to embrace the idea that perhaps LIFE IS HAPPENING FOR ME, NOT TO ME. Perhaps life is happening for me to help me heal, grow, and evolve; that it’s actually serving me, rather than hurting me. And once I embraced this idea, I began to see life differently. All the bad that had happened in my life was not because I wasn’t worthy or enough. Rather, it served to help wake me up to discover authentic self-empowerment.
False Power is Disempowerment in Disguise
One of the many reasons we subconsciously block our own power is because we hold negative beliefs and associations about power in general. For example, how many times do you women fear being “too much”, or considered a “bitch” if you step into greater power in your life?
Unfortunately, most of our collective associations about power relate to false power…power over others through dominance and control, aggression, competition, greed, corruption, being too much or too masculine. As a result, you may associate having greater power as something to avoid. Yet, the truth is false power is not authentic power.
Rather, false power is an overcompensation for disempowerment at worse. At best, it’s a misunderstanding and distortion about what it means to be empowered.
Often people first engage with false power strategies once they realize how disempowered they’ve really felt. This shows up as trying to force power on to others through overly assertive boundaries, lashing out, or seeking to control others. And in all honesty, this is a common and natural response stemming from anger about feeling disempowered.
However, false power is about trying to prove your power, because deep down you still feel disempowered. It’s trying to get to enough, and the energy behind it is still lack, limitation, and disconnection. False power stems from a state of separation from your innate wholeness, Soul, and Source.
Authentic Power
Authentic power, on the other hand, doesn’t need to prove anything. It emerges out of a state of internal wholeness and enough-ness. There is no need for validation, and no need to prove it to anyone, including yourself. Authentic empowerment is a natural byproduct of integrating those disowned parts of yourself with love and compassion, and a result, healing your inner conflicts.
In addition, authentic power comes from spiritual maturity – a state of knowing your innate value and worth as a spiritual being and creator. It also come through spiritual alignment. It is your alignment with Source and the Earth through the Soul.
When you live from a state of authentic empowerment, wholeness and spiritual alignment, you tap into the power of Source energy, which is unlimited and infinite. There is always more than enough, and it always aligns you with your wholeness. There is no lack or separation.
Authentic power is the embodiment of spiritual maturity, soul-alignment, soul-worth, and soul-esteem.
You step out of the wounded ego seeking to get to enough, and into the soul that knows you already are, which opens up new power and potential in your life.
An Inventory of your Relationship to Power
Following are some self-reflection questions to help you explore your relationship to power, self-empowerment, and disempowerment.
Remember, love and accept whatever comes up. It’s the only way to integrate the shadow and tap into authentic self-empowerment!
- What do you believe about the concept of power and what it means to be empowered? Write down as many beliefs as you can come up with. Challenge yourself to write down at least 50 beliefs.
- Where do you feel powerless or disempowered in your life currently?
- How do you currently engage with false power strategies?
- Where do you engage in victim consciousness – the belief that life is happening TO or AGAINST you?
- What coping strategies do you use when you feel powerless or disempowered?
- How have you participated in the disempowerment of others? (For example, seeking to control others, or being complacent in witnessing disempowerment in action)
- In what areas of your life do you avoid taking full self-responsibility for your choices, and why? Look for patterns of blaming others, circumstances or life.
If you find yourself going into self-judgment or blame, please forgive yourself. To support this process, write a letter of forgiveness to those wounded or disempowered parts of yourself.
Love yourself unconditionally and acknowledge that you are always worthy, valuable and enough just as you are! You are a beautiful human on the path of healing and growth, and when you are ready, those seeds new power will get activated.
In fact, once you face your shadow, you’ve already activated new power within in you. You now have new power to make new choices from a place of self-awareness and self-responsibility.
If you need support with this process, please reach out and sign up for a complimentary breakthrough session. Also be sure to let me know of any other topics you’d like me to cover.
To your healing and empowerment, Michelle