If you read last week’s blog on The Path to Happiness, you discovered the critical importance of purpose in creating long-term happiness and fulfillment in your life.
As a result, purpose has become a hot topic over the last few years in self-help, coaching, and personal development work. In fact, it’s a word I hear over, and over, again in working with my clients, and it’s the #1 reason clients come to me for coaching.
It’s also one of the most written about topics online, in books, and other media. A quick Google search of the words ‘life purpose’ yields 2.96 billion results! You can take countless quizzes, online courses, or coaching programs to help you discover yours.
What is Purpose
What is purpose anyway, and why is it so important to long-term happiness? Essentially, purpose is the reason why something exists; why it is created and/or done. It gives things meaning, and intention.
Purpose gives our lives meaning. It connects us to the WHY of our lives, and to something greater than ourselves. It is both personal (the why of the self), and transpersonal (going beyond the self). As a result, it is an essential step on the journey of self-actualization. It connects us with the soul, and it answers the existential question, “why am I here?”
Further, connection to purpose meets several of our basic human needs….to feel that we matter, give us a sense of direction in life, connect us to others, and provide a sense of belonging.
Obstacles to Purpose
However, often I find that life purpose is a topic that can fuel a great deal of confusion, angst, and even shame for those that feel that haven’t discovered theirs yet. Often, the clients that come to me for purpose feel lost and disconnected, as if something big is missing in their lives, or that something is wrong with them because they haven’t found it. Yet, when we begin exploring purpose, some common obstacles emerge.
Self-worth
In our ego-centric, super-sized, insta-famous culture, life purpose often gets misunderstood as something that should be grandiose….that it needs to impact millions of lives, and change the world in a major way. Or…that it should lead to fame and fortune. This can make purpose feel a bit intimidating, or even impossible to achieve.
Not to say your purpose can’t be connected to making a big impact in the world. If that’s truly your purpose, go for it!
However, it’s important to evaluate if your self-worth is dependent on it. If you measure your value by the size of your purpose, your impact in the world, or how famous you are, your self-worth will always be at risk.
Further, it becomes dangerous to self-worth when an over-inflated perspective on purpose is used to fuel comparison, internal judgment, and shame. It becomes a total set up that can make you feel worse about yourself, not better. And, it’s hard to live with purpose when you feel badly about yourself.
Further, comparison to others, or an over-inflated expectation of your own purpose, will only serve take you further, and further, from truly living it.
The wounded ego
Over-inflation of purpose comes from the wounded ego…not the soul. You see, the wounded ego is always trying to get to enough…to feel good enough, smart enough, loved enough, and/or valued enough. I don’t say this to demonize the wounded ego, but to help you understand it, so you can heal it. The wounded ego over-inflates purpose in a misguided attempt to get to enough.
The truth is…if you let the wounded ego define your purpose, you will never get to enough! It’s just not possible because the wounded ego operates from lack, scarcity, and separation, which blocks you from your soul.
Further, if the wounded ego is in charge, you end up chasing purpose as something external to help you feel whole. Although purpose will eventually lead you to contribute something externally, you need to go within to discover it.
Wounded ego myths about purpose:
- Your purpose needs to change the world in a major way to be valid.
- It will lead to fame and fortune.
- Purpose is not of value if you don’t make money doing it – it should be your career or business.
- Once you align with it, everything in your life should flow with ease. (If it’s not easy, it’s not your purpose)
- You will only find it in something outside of yourself…such as a job, relationship, or cause.
- Your purpose is just ONE thing, and it’s all or none!
The Path to Purpose
I spent years searching for purpose in my own life…constantly looking outside of myself for the one thing to give my life meaning and direction. Yet, the more I looked, the more lost I felt…until I started to go within. At the peak of my frustration about purpose, someone gave me some wise advice…stop looking outside, and focus on looking within. And…in all transparency, when I did, I came face to face with my wounded ego.
I realized that in all my seeking outside for purpose, I’d really been running away from myself. I was seeking something to make me feel better about my life, but I wasn’t focusing on the one thing that would make the greatest impact…healing myself.
That’s the thing about purpose, it may very well ask you to heal something in your life before you will find it. We often see this in people that have overcome illness, addiction, or other significant challenges, who find purpose in helping others do the same. In fact, the more I have healed in my life, the more purpose I have found.
However, that doesn’t mean you have to suffer to find purpose, or go through some form of trauma. Remember, your purpose doesn’t need to be grand, it just needs to be authentic to you. Even though I have overcome immense challenges, my primary purpose is simple…to be a force of love in the world. By the way, I discovered my purpose by learning how to love myself!
I also discovered that purpose is intimately connected to your soul and your gifts…the very things that deep down your soul longs to embrace and embody in your life. The path of healing is a path to soul- and self-discovery.
Soul Purpose
You already have within you what you need to live with purpose. In fact, you’ve had it all along…it’s your soul. The soul is your essence, or the life force energy within you that’s always been there, and that seeks to be expressed in your life. You know you have connected with the soul when you feel energized, inspired, connected and most alive.
However, you may need to face your wounded ego, and do a little healing work to find the pathway to reconnect to the soul. That’s because the wounded ego tends to block access to the soul. Further, sometimes, the deepest wounds block you from your greatest gifts. By facing and healing those wounded parts of the self, it opens the space for the soul to emerge naturally, as well as your gifts.
If you find yourself stuck and struggling with your own challenges or wounding, I invite you to focus on healing, first and foremost. But, please don’t try to do it on your own. We simply cannot heal in isolation…trust me I’ve tried. When we are stuck in our own stuff, it can be impossible to find our way out. We simply cannot see the path, our own blind spots, when we are in the wounding. This is where a trusted coach, psychologist, therapist or intuitive guide can be immensely helpful.
Soul exploration
To begin re-connecting your soul, I invite take some time to journal on the following questions:
What did you love most as a kid? Think of your favorite activities or experiences. Who were you with, what were you doing, and what was the primary emotion you felt?
Now, reflect on of a couple of peak experiences in your life…those rich and rewarding moments where you felt most joyful, connected, at peace, and alive. What were you doing, who were you with, and what was the primary emotion you felt?
Last, list any dreams or visions you’ve had for your life, as a kid or, as an adult? This can include dreams you’ve never even pursued. What have you longed for and why? Who are you in those dreams, and what is the primary emotion you feel?
Pay special attention to any themes you notice. Your answers will guide you toward your soul, because alignment with your soul makes you feel good – expansive, vital, energized, and alive.
Integrating the soul and purpose
The first aspect of soul purpose is to create and cultivate the experiences, and qualities, that enrich your life, and nourish your heart and soul. This creates a sense of internal abundance that you will naturally want to share with others.
The second aspect is to share those things with others in a way that feels meaningful, and aligned, to you. You see, when the soul is nourished, it seeks growth, expression, and contribution. How does your soul seek to express and share this abundance with others, and contribute to the greater whole of life? This is when purpose moves beyond the self, and becomes transpersonal.
However, if you’re not currently experiencing these things in your life, focus on the areas of your life that may still need healing.
As a kid, I always dreamed of being a writer, and published author. I constantly wrote stories, songs, and poems, and I loved the joy of self-expression. However, after some trauma and wounding, I ended up repressing my dream, and my soul, and I shut down my voice. Through healing those wounds, I’ve been able to reconnect to my soul and my love of self-expression. I also discovered my purpose.
Next Steps
Now I invite you to go within and explore your own pathway to soul and purpose by journaling on the questions above. Don’t put it off for another day. NOW is your time. Haven’t you waited long enough?
If you are ready to dive more deeply into soul realignment – or – need to heal your own wounding, please sign up for a complimentary breakthrough session here. I’d love to support you on your journey.
And…if there are other topics you’d love for me to discuss, please send me send me a message here.
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