The only constant in life is change. Just look at the cycles and seasons of nature, and the aging process. Life is energy in motion. Nothing stays the same forever, no matter how hard we try to keep it that way.
So, why is it so hard for us to embrace change? Whether that change is a natural part of life, determined by someone else, or even initiated by us, for most of us, change is not easy. Further, if change is so natural and inherent, why is it so hard to create positive change in our lives?
Resistance
Although we live in a dynamic, ever-changing and expanding Universe, there is a part of our human brain that will always resist change. In simple terms, it comes down to survival. The primal survival brain seeks to keep us in the comfort of the KNOWN and familiar, because it understands how to survive it. What is familiar gives us certainty, and that feels safe to survival, even if what’s familiar is painful.
What the survival brain resists is anything UNKNOWN, and change brings us face to face with the uncertainty of the unknown. That can be terrifying to the survival brain. This happens even when change offers hope and opportunity for something better.
So when change arrives at our doorstep, the survival brain naturally initiates a process of resistance, which triggers our favorite survival strategies of fight (push against the change), flight (run away from it), or freeze (withdraw or shut down). These are strategies we all develop in early childhood to cope with fear, insecurity, and uncertainty. Resistance not only hijacks our nervous systems, but our emotions and hormones as well. I like to call it the fear storm.
By the way, this also happens when YOU initiate positive change in your life, such as trying to adopt a new habit.
A great example of this is the common New Years resolution to lose weight, eat healthier, and get in shape. Do you ever notice how the gyms are packed during the first week of January? Yet, by the end of January the crowds have started to thin out, and often people have already abandoned their New Years resolutions. This isn’t an issue of laziness, it’s an issue of resistance.
The level of resistance we face is directly related to the level of change we are seeking to create (and the potential transformation). The bigger the change, the bigger the resistance! So if you have a big goal, or are seeking to change your life in a big way, expect to face big resistance!
Ego and Soul
To illustrate the tension between the natural force of change, and our resistance to it, I invite you to think of it as dance between the ego and the soul.
The EGO and survival brain are intimately connected. They both hate the uncertainty of the unknown. As a result, resistance engages the ego to try to stop the change.
Here are some of the ways this shows up:
- Procrastination – avoidance
- Distraction – busyness or prioritizing something else
- Escapism or Numbing – binge watching Netflix, drugs, alcohol, video games, even travel
- Fatigue or lack of energy – we can even make ourselves sick to resist change!
- Excuses – any reason we tell ourselves to avoid, deny, delay, or fight change
- Drama – a great distraction
- Frustration, Agitation, or Anger – fighting against the change
- Anxiety and/or Depression
Yet, the SOUL seeks out growth and change. It’s inherent drive is to be expressed as a co-creator in our lives, and creation requires change. It also pushes us to be the fullest, most self-expressed, versions of ourselves. The soul simply cannot experience itself through stagnation.
The soul’s guidance always leads us towards growth. It is the life force energy seeking to evolve and expand within us. Remember, the soul is Source expressed through us. The soul seeks to move us into expansion, which triggers resistance, and the ego, to pull us back into contraction.
This is the dance of the spiritual journey…an ongoing tension between the expansion of the soul, and the contraction of the ego, until we learn to break down the ego defenses, and surrender to the soul.
I’m actually in resistance right now as I sit and write this post…my soul seeks self-expression, and urges me to step up into my purpose and gifts. But my ego tells me I’ve worked hard enough today, let’s take a break!
Sharing my words with you offers uncertainty, and risk of judgment and criticism, which is terrifying to the survival brain. We all know how many internet trolls and haters there are in the world. Because of this fear, resistance tries to convince me to procrastinate, distract, or numb.
Yet, I know deep down the path to everything I desire in my life is through alignment with my soul. The more I honor my soul and lean into the growth, the better my life is.
Here’s the thing…when we encounter the soul, and then deny it’s call by clinging to resistance, we only hurt ourselves more in the long run. And the soul will find a way to move us forward, even if it needs to create a breakdown so we can have a breakthrough.
Breakdown to Breakthrough
What I love about the soul is that it typically doesn’t give up in the face of resistance. However, I’ve found that when I remain stuck in resistance for too long, the soul finds another way to make me grow.
Sometimes, the soul will use a little tough love to create the breakthrough.
I have experienced this many times in my life. When I allow resistance to win, usually I end up with a breakdown. Things start to fall apart. Money dries up, my health suffers, I face some kind of unnecessary drama, and it feels like nothing is working in my life. In fact, that happened to me a couple of months ago. I had been resisting writing and publishing my work for way too long. My soul had nudged me on numerous occasions, yet I consistently let resistance win. I’d start and stop, and get stuck in my fear and self-doubt.
My soul gave me the breakdown to help me breakthrough. And, as soon as I pushed through my resistance, and embraced the change my soul was asking of me, like magic things started to flow again in my life.
I’ve seen this happen time and time again in my own life, as well as my clients.
You see, the soul whispers and nudges us at first, trying to guide us into doing something different, something that will help us grow and evolve. Yet, if we don’t listen, or we allow resistance to win out, it may come back with a two by four to hit us upside the head!
Trust me when I say, pushing through resistance, and embracing change, is so much easier than getting the two by four! Sure resistance may feel better in the short term, but in the long term it only creates more suffering.
So when you have that nudge to make a change in your life, perhaps to end a relationship, change your diet, make a change in your career, or simply put yourself out there in a new way, do you listen?
Or, do you wait for a crisis to hit before you finally lean into change?
How about when other people initiate change that impacts you in some way, how do you respond? Do you get stuck in resistance, or do you find a way to move forward?
How to embrace change
Understanding the nature of resistance is a huge first step in learning how to navigate change. Keep in mind, even when you initiate a positive change in your life, you should always expect resistance!
Next, pay attention to how resistance shows up for you. What primary coping strategies get triggered?
- Fight – acting out, rebellion, anger, frustration, agitation, pushing against change
- Flight – running away from change, denial, avoidance, distraction, escapism, procrastination
- Freeze – shutting down, withdrawal, hiding, numbing, feeling paralyzed and unable to move forward
How about your excuses? If you find yourself making excuses for why you can’t, won’t, or shouldn’t embrace change, you are in resistance.
Do not accept your excuses as facts, ask yourself a few questions instead.
- Is this really true?
- What change are you resisting?
- Are you choosing to keep yourself stuck?
- What’s the real issue, what are you afraid of?
- Are you willing to lean into change as an opportunity for growth?
If change has been initiated by someone else and out of your control, ask yourself:
- What can I control? (Hint: you always have the power of choice, and sometimes engaging your choice just may lead you to your soul)
- Can you find a pathway to acceptance? Resisting change you have no control over can be a hard lesson in suffering. What would need to happen for you to move forward?
- If you have an opportunity to impact the change in any way, what new solution or idea can you offer? How can you contribute or participate proactively in the change? What can you DO?
Last, the most powerful way to navigate change is to embrace a growth mindset, and take ACTION.
Each time you allow resistance to stop you from growth (such as creating that new exercise habit), you train the survival brain how to stop you.
See resistance for what it is, try to have a little humor about it, and lean into the change with powerful action.
Yes, it will be uncomfortable at first. However, typically resistance settles down once you start taking action. And eventually, by embracing change, you adapt to a new normal.
There is so much more I can share on this subject, but I hope this helps you gain some awareness about how resistance shows up in your life, and how to work with it.
If you are struggling with resistance or find yourself in a breakdown, apply now for a complimentary breakthrough session today. I’d love to support you!