Have you ever felt like things are falling apart? I’m referring to the major events that dismantle the very structures that you’ve come to depend upon in your life. These can include divorce, job loss, health or financial crisis, or any significant change that alters the course of your life. I call these disruptors, and they can leave us feeling a bit lost.
When a disruption hits, we only have two options. One, we can take up residency in blame and victim consciousness (which is quite normal by the way). Or, two, we can step into our power and embrace the opportunity for transformation. Whatever choice you make, will determine your destiny.
First, it’s important to acknowledge that transformation is always an option, no matter how challenging the disruption. There is always a path forward that leads to healing, growth, and greater personal power. Yet, often it’s not the easier path. Therefore, we must be willing and courageous enough to choose it.
What is Transformation?
Transformation is a process of metamorphosis. It’s lasting change, and it’s personal. YOU are transformed. To say it another way, it’s the result of healing and growth; YOU become different not by external circumstance, but because of it. Although change is inevitable in life, transformation is not. While change is an invitation, transformation is a choice. And positive, conscious transformation requires stepping into your power.
Let’s be honest, changing our lives, and how we show up in them, can be as difficult as breaking a well ingrained habit or addiction. In fact, it’s natural to resist transformation until the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of change. That was my story.
Finding My Power
I am sharing my story to encourage you. Because if I can find my power through one of the most difficult experiences of my life, so can you. Trust me when I say, when my disruption hit, I had no idea what to do. I was familiar with victim consciousness…in fact, it was all I had known. I didn’t know how to change my life or find my power. Yet I figured it out, because finally, I wanted it badly enough.
The Betrayal
My life was forever changed in a single year…the most difficult year of my life. It was the year that my life fell apart…a life I had worked hard to build, and a life I had loved. Nothing would ever be the same. I would never be the same.
That year, I found out my fiancé was cheating on me. The man I had built a life with, and planned to marry, had betrayed me. I never saw it coming. Hurt and angry, I broke off our engagement, and tried to end our relationship. However, he refused to let me go. In an instant, the man I had once loved, became my abuser. And every single day, for nearly a year, I was intimidated, threatened, and abused verbally, emotionally, and at times, physically. Every single day he told me he was going to kill me, and I believed him.
The Turning Point
One night, after he’d locked me in a room and tortured me for hours, I left my body. That happens sometimes in an abusive or violent situation…one leaves the body to escape the pain. That night, my soul looked down at my weak and defeated body, curled up in the fetal position…lifeless and limp. I realized in that moment, I had a choice. I could give up and leave this life, or I could fight to survive.
Feeling suffocated by darkness and pain I prayed for a sign; a reason to keep going, a reason to live.
As I contemplated whether it was time to leave this life, I noticed something. A small, yet brilliant flash of light from within the heart of my weakened body; a beacon calling my soul home. I realized in that moment, it wasn’t my time yet. That light was my sign. It felt like a reassurance from the Divine that there was more for me in this life. With a sudden sense of resolve, I made the commitment to live, to get out, and to heal. I made a decision to let the light be my guide, to show me what I was made of, and what I was made for. That moment forever changed the course of my life.
The Transformation
The next day, I stepped into new place of power within myself, and I started to create a path forward – to safety and to a new life. To be honest, it still took time; nearly a year. And that year was filled with challenges, heartache, and struggle, but eventually I got out. I moved far away, and I started the next chapter of my life…one I called Healing.
I wish I could say it was easy, but it was not. However, true transformation rarely is, because it asks us to break down our habits, patterns, and beliefs, and to heal our wounding, before we can create something new. In essence, I had to become someone new.
Pain and change are inevitable in this life. Yet, transformation is optional. And, the key that will determine your destiny is mindset.
When things fall apart in your life, are you willing to step into your power to choose the path of growth and healing?
Mindset and Power
When a disruption hits, we have a choice in how we respond, and the most important choice is our mindset. According to Carol Dweck, Professor of Psychology at Stanford University, we can develop either a fixed mindset or a growth mindset. One will limit you, and one will free you.
Your mindset is made up of the beliefs and attitude you hold about who you are, and what you are capable of. As a result, it defines how you show up, and how you deal with change or disruption in your life. Further, mindset determines your perception of every challenging experience you face…what you believe you can and cannot do, and what choices and possibilities are available to you.
Typically the mindset you hold was created in response to how you were praised or criticized in childhood. However, thankfully, we have the power and ability to cultivate a new mindset through self-awareness and consistent practice.
Fixed Mindset
Most of us are indoctrinated with a fixed mindset. This is a black and white, either/or, absolute mindset that is based on past experience. For example, you’re either smart or dumb, a success or a failure, strong or weak. You believe you either can or can’t do something, and that your qualities and abilities are fixed and unchangeable. In essence, it’s just who you are.
In a fixed mindset, you don’t really believe it’s possible to transform yourself, or your life, in any major way. This results in a fixed identity of who you are, and what you believe you are capable of. Further, each crisis or experience you go through calls for a confirmation of that identity. Basically, your ego constantly seeks to validate your story of limitation. As a result, it limits your ability to see other possibilities, which keeps you stuck and ultimately, disempowered.
Growth Mindset
A growth mindset, on the other hand, is a based on the belief that your qualities and abilities are cultivated through effort and action. Therefore, you believe transformation is possible. You simply have to apply yourself. Nothing is fixed, including your level of talent or success. Further, you look at different situations, including a disruptions, as opportunities for growth, rather than self-judgment.
With a growth mindset, your focus is on personal development and improvement. As a result, when faced with a challenge or obstacle, you look for the lesson in the experience, and seek out a path for growth. A growth mindset is based on personal responsibility and self-empowerment, which opens the door to transformation. You simply cannot create true transformation unless you adopt a growth mindset.
How to Cultivate a Growth Mindset
Now let’s put this into action. Following are some tips to help you step into your power with a growth mindset:
- Focus on the present moment, and what you want to create next in your life, rather than ruminating over the past.
- Be proactive and intentional, rather than reactive.
- Change your vocabulary and your internal dialog. Replace absolute statements with statements that convey learning and new possibility. For example:
Fixed Mindset Growth Mindset
I can’t How can I? What do I need to learn?
I’ve failed I haven’t achieved it YET, but I can.
I don’t have a choice What new choice can I make now?
I don’t know how I haven’t figured it out YET, but I will.
I’m stuck There is always a way through!
- Practice self-reflection daily and consider how you can grow through your challenges.
- Manage your mindset with daily practices to support building new neural pathways in the brain. For example, a gratitude practice, meditation, guided visualizations, self-hypnosis, mantras or affirmations.
- Stop comparing yourself to others. The only person you need to compare yourself to is your old self.
- Give up perfection and celebration progress instead.
- Embrace the power of YET…you haven’t done thing thing you want to do YET….but you will! Just keep moving forward.
- Process your emotions. Unprocessed negative emotions can become a huge drain on your energy and make you feel stuck. For some help on working through difficult emotions check out my recent blog post, “How to Heal Emotional Pain”
- Manage your energy and state through mindset work, physical movement, and energy awareness. Take responsibility for your energy and mood. What do you need to DO to feel better?
Own Your Power
Creating a positive transformation in your life, whether it’s a health goal, a new relationship, or a new level of success or wealth, requires that you make a vibrational shift. YOU have to change, and that requires new action. You can’t just visualize your way into a new life, or new way of being, no matter how many channeled entities or self-help books tell you that you can.
Here’s the thing I know from the trenches of transformation…you cannot change your past, but you get to write your next chapter. You get to decide who you become. And, if you are willing to embrace a growth mindset, and do the work, you can rise like a Phoenix from the ashes of a disruption, and be better for it.
However, do not try to do this alone. If you you feel like things are falling apart in your life, please reach out for support. We cannot heal in isolation, and we cannot see our own blind spots on the journey of growth. I’ve worked with numerous healers, therapists, and coaches through my own transformational process, and I cannot stress enough how essential it is. In fact, it’s life changing! In addition, it makes the process a whole lot easier and faster!
Next Steps
If you feel ready to create a breakthrough in your own life, please sign up for my FREE Personal Power Course at the top of this page, or apply for a complimentary discovery call here. I’d love to help you break free from your past, reclaim your power, and create the next chapter of your life. It’s time for you to RISE!
I hope you found this helpful. Please feel free to contact me here if you have any questions. Also, let me know of any other topics you’d love for me to to address in future posts.
With love and gratitude, Michelle