Do you ever find yourself living within the story of struggle – where you feel like life is working against you rather than with you or for you?
Here are some of the ways this may play out…
- You have difficulty paying your bills each month and making ends meet, which often leads to anxiety.
- You constantly feel overwhelmed trying to manage your ongoing to do list and your daily responsibilities.
- You feel stretched too thin trying to make everyone around you happy, and managing both career and your family.
- You often feel disappointed in relationships, and haven’t been able to find what you’re looking for.
- You have trouble manifesting your intentions and achieving your goals.
- You never seem to have time for yourself – to pursue your dreams and desires, or even indulge in a little self-care, and you feel tired and worn out.
I know the story of struggle well because it was my primary operating system for as long as I can remember. In fact, many times I felt as if I was struggling to simply survive.
Yet deep down, I also felt a strong desire to create change and transformation in my life. I wanted so badly for things to be different so that one day I would know what it is to thrive. This longing for change often caused me to push against the things I didn’t like in my life, and the challenges I faced.
I would then harness my desire for change as my motivation to create something new in my life. However, each time things shifted, I unexpectedly found myself within a new story of struggle. The circumstances were often different, but the struggle would still show up.
What I had failed to see was that my fight for things to be different was really a form of resistance that served to reinforce my pattern of struggle.
Now, I’m not saying that a desire for change is a negative thing. I am a Life Coach after all – I’m all about change and transformation. However, I think it’s important to be honest about what you are actually creating in the wanting and the struggle…and perhaps it’s time to open up to a new way.
You’ve likely heard the phrase, “What you resist, persists”. Conceptually, I understood this idea. However, what I had failed to understand for a long time, is all of the many ways in which resistance shows up, which included my pushing against what is out of a longing for things to be different.
Further, I didn’t realize that in order for things to truly change, for my life to be transformed, I first needed to surrender to what is. I had to drop my resistance and face my truth.
I realized that by fighting against the circumstances in my life, I was not only resisting those things – but also resisting taking responsibility for my part in creating and perpetuating them.
We cannot change that which we do not first accept. Eventually I learned that in my resistance, I had actually been reinforcing my story of struggle, and ultimately fighting against myself.
Resistance is like trying to swim up current in a raging river…it takes a lot of effort and energy to avoid change and stay in the same place. It’s exhausting, and ultimately keeps you stuck. That wasn’t the intention behind my fight…but it was my result.
I realized that my fight had actually been keeping me from that which I desired to create. This was a hard truth to face – but it allowed me to experience greater freedom and empowerment in my life.
Resistance is an illusive and crafty tactic used by the ego to keep things the same. The ego hates change because it fears the unknown. Its primary instinct is one of survival, to maintain the status quo. Even if life is painful in the existing circumstances, at least the ego knows it is SURVIVABLE. And the ego will throw up resistance in sneaky and deceptive ways to keep things the same. In my case, resistance often emerged as my fight for change.
So, naturally, when I finally made the decision to try the act of surrender instead, I resisted it! Oh, the ego can be so fierce sometimes! Thankfully, I had the support of an amazing teacher to support me and guide me in facing my resistance and the truth behind my struggle.
And, when I finally surrendered my resistance and the story of struggle, I found acceptance, which created the opportunity for me to finally create the transformation I truly desired. Through this process, I experienced a lightness and freedom that was unlike anything I have ever experienced before. Further, I stepped into the flow of life again – where I swim in the current, yet always creating and directing my own path.
I also learned that surrender, and letting go, can actually be easy. It doesn’t need to be hard. What makes it hard is our fear of letting go, and all of the stories we tell ourselves about what it will mean – both of which are another form of resistance! Do you see how crazy this cycle can be?
Last, I learned that surrender and acceptance are the only pathways to truly creating something new. In order to move beyond my story of struggle, and my resistance, I had to go through it…to face it head on, feel it, accept it, and surrender to it. Only then could I truly move forward in creating the life that I desired.
7 Simple Steps to Surrender
- Think about an area of our life you are struggling with and get fully present with the feeling that first arises – and BREATHE.
You have to feel your feelings in order to release them. Take a deep breath – allow yourself to expand enough to fully allow the feeling to unfold. When we repress, deny, or avoid them we only make them stronger.
- Drop the story – when you find yourself analyzing your feelings and swimming in the why of it all, STOP. Simply focus on the feeling and your breath.
Often it’s the story we create around our feelings that amplifies them and keeps them in place. Further – STOP identifying with your feelings. You are not your feelings.
- Where do you feel it in your body and what does it feel like? Feelings are just energy – often simply being fully present with them will allow them to dissipate.
- Ask yourself the following questions and be open to the truth:
- What am I gaining from holding on to this?
- What is this costing me?
- Am I willing to release it?
I often find that these questions alone will help me surrender and let go.
- Energetically surrender – detach – release. If you need further support, you can do this with through visualization, kinetically, or by speaking your intention to let go.
Here are just a few ideas to help you disentangle and detach yourself from your feelings:
- Visually – see this feeling leaving your body as a ball of energy, then imagine yourself stepping away and observe the energy objectively once it is outside of you.
- Kinetically – physically stand up, and take a step in another direction, physically moving out of the feeling. You can also imagine holding the feeling in your hands, and then simply let it go.
- Verbally – speak to the feeling, clearly state your intention to let it go, thank it, and say goodbye.
- Feel what is underneath – is there a negative belief or fear residing beneath the feeling? Now release that using steps 1-6.
- Repeat the process until you feel a shift – You will know when you have truly surrendered because you will feel a lightness and sense of freedom.
Stay tuned for more information on that sneaky devil Resistance.
Until then, I wish you grace and ease in your practice of surrender. You cannot change what you don’t accept, and surrender is a vital aspect of acceptance.