The Path to Happiness

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” ~Howard Thurman

No matter what your desires or goals are in life, I bet if we unpack them, under each one is a desire for greater happiness. Whether you’re seeking money, love, health, or purpose, ultimately you are seeking what you believe will make you happier.  And happiness brings a sense of aliveness, engagement, and vitality to life.

Have you ever noticed that when you feel happy, fulfilled, and most alive, you experience greater ease and harmony your life, especially in your relationships? That’s because happiness ripples out into the world around you, creating a positive impact. What causes discord, and conflict, often stems from some form of unhappiness.

Happiness is an Inside Job

Here’s the paradox…lasting happiness is an inside job, it comes through you not to you! It’s not something that can be given to you by something or someone external.

The things that makes us come most alive – that create the greatest sense of happiness, fulfillment, vitality, and abundance – are directly connected to the soul, and the gifts that we are here to express, experience, and share.

Of course, positive mindset and physiology are also important…both can be utilized, and trained, to help us generate greater happiness. However, we simply cannot think or exercise our way to long-term fulfillment. Connection to, and alignment with the soul, is essential!

Two Types of Happiness

There are two types of happiness that are essential to health and well-being (2):   

1. Short-Term Pleasure – A temporary type of happiness in the present moment, such as a delicious meal, great movie, or fun night out with friends. Short-term pleasure is a great way to relieve daily stress.  It helps to increase joy, creativity, mental and emotional resiliency, and overall energy. However, short-term pleasure may not translate into long-term happiness. In fact, in some cases, it can even come at the expense of long-term happiness, such as over-indulgence.
2. Long-Term Fulfillment – This type of happiness may offer less pleasure in the moment, yet it provides the greatest lasting benefits, such as protection from illness and disease, stress reduction, and emotional and psychological wellbeing.  Long-term fulfillment is related to a sense of authentic purpose in life, or meaning, for example raising children, philanthropy, or pursuing personal or career goals.  

Both types of happiness are important to create the greatest impact on our health and wellbeing, and to feel most alive.  

Keys to Long-Term Fulfillment

Research has shown there are three primary keys to creating long term happiness and fulfillment in life, for both men and women (2):

1. Connectedness – The body, mind, and soul are all nourished through meaningful relationships. When we take time to connect with others, we boost the happiness hormones in the body. 
2. Sense of achievement – Studies have shown that a sense of competence and achievement boosts self-esteem and self-confidence, which leads to greater long-term happiness. Achieving even small goals gives us a boost of happiness hormones. 
3. Strong sense of self – Probably the most important key to long-term happiness is a strong sense of self, and the ability to care for, and honor, our own needs and desires. This includes living in alignment with our soul and core values, expressing our gifts, and connecting with a sense of purpose.

A Holistic Approach to Happiness

We are whole beings, so I feel it’s important to consider how all parts of the self- body, mind, and soul – influence happiness. And, since happiness is an inside job, engaging with all of these aspects will make the greatest impact in generating the happiness we desire.

Body

The state of our bodies – our level of energy and quality of health – can have a profound impact on our level of happiness, or lack of it.  It’s hard to feel happy when chronically tired, sick, or in pain. This is one reason why self-care is so essential to happiness.  

However, did you know you can use your body to shift your mental and emotional state, and create greater happiness?

• Exercise is a powerful way to boost the feel good hormones and endorphins that reduce pain, and increase happiness and energy. 
• Shift your body to shift your state. If you find yourself in a negative emotional state such as depression, anxiety, or fear, move your body.  Take a walk, stretch, do some yoga. By changing what you do with your body, and/or your body language, you can shift your emotional state.
• Take care of your health. Making your health a top priority with proper sleep, eating habits, and hydration sets the foundation for greater energy, and happiness.
• Manage your energy. Also be mindful of your energy leaks. These are often found in relationships with poor boundaries. You know you have a leak when a relationship constantly leaves you feeling tired and depleted. Start by saying NO to relationships where there is a lack of reciprocity…the ones that take, and take, and take but never show up to give back when you need them.  

Mind

The mind is a powerful tool, and as such, it’s something to be managed. Neuroscience has shown that you can train your brain to be happier through regular habits, such as practicing gratitude, taking time to take in the good in life (being fully present and absorbing the good moments), and cultivating a happy mindset by looking for the positive.(1) 

Mindset relates to what you focus on each day. If you want to change your emotional state, change what you focus on. I find it helpful to question my perspective, assumptions, and beliefs. 

A great question to ask yourself is, how can I see this differently?  Or, what assumptions am I making that may not be true?  Challenge yourself to look for something positive, even if it’s a lesson that will help you to heal or grow.

Soul

The soul is your true essence.  It is the home to your unique gifts and core values, and it is where your desire for purpose comes from.  The soul always seeks growth, and thrives in contribution. The pathway to discovering the soul is to follow your passions, and the things that inspire and energize you. 

In terms of happiness, living in alignment with your soul creates greater fulfillment in your life as a whole. While denying or suppressing the soul can become a big obstacle to long-term happiness and fulfillment. This is typically experienced as a nagging sense of dissatisfaction in life.  

Soul Exploration

If you find yourself struggling with happiness, I invite you to reflect on the following questions to tap into your soul’s truth: 

• How are you not being true to yourself?
• Are you honoring your core values or violating them?
• What are you resisting and why?
• Is there a need or desire that are you ignoring or denying?
• What truth or gifts are you not allowing yourself to express?

Soul connection requires that you slow down, practice being instead of doing, and/or engage in something that inspires you.  It’s hard to make contact with the soul from a state of stress and busyness. Create a sacred space to engage with your soul, and practice a little patience. 

If you’ve been disconnected from your soul for a while, this may take some time and trust. You honor your soul by honoring your commitment to this sacred space.

Eventually, your soul will emerge and it will guide you through inspiration, a sense of expansion, and feelings of joy, peace, or love. Also, look for the moments when you feel most alive, energized, and connected in your life. Pay attention, and by all means, when it guides you, follow the energy.  

In my next blog, I will take a deep dive into living with purpose, so stay tuned…  

I hope you found this helpful. Please reply in the comments if you have any questions, or have other topics you’d love for me to address.  

And if you are interested in learning more about your soul, check out my Soul Realignment Readings.

Sources:

(1) Hanson, Rick, PhD (2013). Hardwiring Happiness:  The new brain science on contentment, calm, and confidence. New York, NY: Harmony Books, Random House, LLC.

(2) Williamson, Nikki (2018). Does gender affect how we experience happiness?  WellBeing: https://www.wellbeing.com.au/mind-spirit/mind/men-women-and-happiness.html