Sometimes we have to say NO to something in order to say YES to what we really want.
In the coaching and personal development field, we often here, “you can have it all”. And although I agree with that statement, the question I ask is do you really want it all, and if so, what’s the cost?
OUR LIMITS
Here’s the thing…we only have so many hours in a day, and so many days in a week, month, or year….that’s just the truth of life. Yet, no one has more time than anyone else…it’s the great equalizer among us all. Oprah has the same amount of time available to her as you and me. Further, each of us has a limit on our energetic and physical capacity each day…our human bodies need rest and sleep to perform at their best.
If our days and weeks are filled with clients, family, work, and other responsibilities and obligations, sometimes there is no space for something new to come in. Further, if you are constantly stressed out and overwhelmed with a full schedule, why would the Universe think you are ready for more?
FOMO
Recently one of my clients, a high achieving woman who really has created it all, told me she has major FOMO (fear of missing out). This often drives her to say YES to everyone that asks for help, or invites her out. Yet, she’s exhausted, stressed out, and often feels that her bandwidth is full. This takes a toll on her nervous system, which can make her feel on edge. If she stays in that state for too long, it can impact her performance at work, productivity, and relationships.
Here’s the thing I helped her to see…she will ALWAYS miss out on something. By saying YES to others because of FOMO, she is saying NO to herself and her personal goals. That YES commits her limited time and energetic resources to others, rather than the relationships she wants to invest in more, and the personal goals she wants to achieve, (which by the way are more about freedom than achievement).
When we say YES to something or someone, it’s important to consider, what we are also saying NO to!
NATURE ABHORS A VACUUM
If we want to bring something new into our lives, we need to create the space for it.
It’s important to evaluate what we need to let go of to create the vacuum for the Universe to bring what we really want. For some, this may involve letting go of relationships that feel energetically draining, or that lack reciprocity. For others, it may mean letting go of obligations that take up your time, but are not aligned with what you want to create in your life.
One of my favorite ways to start creating a vacuum is by purging stuff! When I want to bring something new into my life – new clients, relationships, or opportunities – I start by clearing out my home and office space, even my email inbox. Anything I haven’t used in the last 2 years gets donated to charity or sold. This purging process creates the space for new energy to come into my life.
Next, I begin purging my calendar. I get really clear on what is a priority right now, and what can wait. If I need to cancel some commitments to create the space, I will do so. Otherwise, I start scheduling in some white space…empty space that is set aside for the new thing I want to bring into my life.
Yet, this be a scary process if we don’t trust and faith. So, the question to ask yourself is, how bad do you want it?
FEAR
Fear is the biggest reason most of us hold on to things that no longer align with our goals, or serve our highest good.
Perhaps it’s a relationship that deep down you know isn’t want you want, yet you’re afraid it’s the best you’ll ever get, or you’re afraid to be alone. Maybe it’s a job that you hold on to for the money, even though you hate it, and want to do something else…you fear you won’t be able to make the same money elsewhere.
Those fears are real and often complex, yet it’s important to explore them.
What do you need to let go of, that’s no longer in alignment with what you really desire?
Are you letting fear hold you back and why?
What beliefs are under the fear? Do you have trust and faith in yourself to create what you really want?
Do you believe it’s possible?
Take some time to journal on these questions, as they can help you discover what may be keeping you stuck.
I know from personal experience, sometimes we have to work with the fear, and heal past trauma, before we are able to lean into trust and faith.
In addition, it can help to create a plan before letting go of the things that give us security, like a job or relationship. Along with the right support and accountability, this can help us feel safer stepping into the fear of the unknown. The fear will still come up, but it is so much easier to navigate with the right support system in place. Here’s the thing…what you really want is on the other side of that fear, so reach out and get the support you need.
In the meantime, what is something smaller you can let go of, something that fills your time, but is not necessary right now? Perhaps it’s time to stop saying YES to everyone that asks for help, or to every social invitation. Maybe it’s time to cut down on TV, drinking, or other habits that take up your time but offer little reward.
Remember, the intent is to create a little space for what you really want.
THE SOUL
What if you don’t even know what you want?
It may be time to connect with your soul to gain some clarity of direction. If it’s purpose, creativity, inspiration, and soul guidance you are looking for, you need to create the space for that as well.
We make contact with the soul through BEING not DOING. The soul speaks through a whisper, and it’s important to slow down long enough to hear it. If you are constantly busy, it’s hard to feel inspired. There is literally no space for the inspiration of your soul to come in.
Once you free some up some space in your life you can begin exploring what makes you feel inspired. Try BEING in nature, meditation, journaling, or BEING in a creative space such as painting or sketching. BEING is about giving your mind an opportunity to be emptied, and quiet. It’s also about expansion, which requires a state of relaxation in your body…this creates the space for the soul, inspiration, and creative flow to emerge.
However, full disclosure…this may also require a bit of patience for some.
In this fast-paced world we live in, and all our advances in technology, we have become a society that expects instant gratification. With one click on our phones we can literally get a car service, food delivery, a date, or order just about anything on the planet, and have it delivered within minutes. Although technology has made daily life much more convenient, it’s also created a sense of entitlement and expectation, which blocks us from connecting with the soul.
The soul doesn’t provide instant gratification, so if you truly desire soul purpose, connection, and guidance, please understand it will not be instant. The soul does not respond well to demands, or the ego’s expectations for how it should be. Rather, the soul emerges through a process of unfolding, like a flower blossoming.
In order for a flower to bloom to it’s full potential, it requires water, sunlight, food, and time. When provided with the optimal environment, the flower blossoms fully according to it’s own divine schedule. Your soul is the same in many ways. You provide the optimal environment through the practice of BEING…in surrender, ease, and expansion as well as a practice of self-love, which I consider food for the soul. And given some time and space, your soul will emerge.
ACTION VS THOUGHT
The Universe responds to your actions, not your thoughts! In self-help we often hear that your thoughts create your reality…but the the truth is powerful action will always override any negative or limited thinking. We simply cannot think our way into creating something new…we have to take action.
The fastest and easiest way to create something new in your life – a new job, business, relationship, client, income opportunity, purpose, etc. – is to start making space for it in your life.
Here are some tips to help you start taking action:
- Do a home and office purge – clean out your closets, storage, desk, etc. and purge the stuff you haven’t used in the last 2 years. If you haven’t used it in 2 years, do you really need it?
- Clear out your email inbox and old electronic files
- Review your bank accounts….where are you spending money unnecessarily, and where can you save some money to invest in yourself and/or your business?
- Go through your calendar for the next 3 months….what commitments make you feel a bit of resentment or overwhelm? Are you willing to let them go? Where can you create some white space for what you really want?
- Evaluate your relationships – do you have any that feel one-sided, draining, or toxic? Which ones are not in alignment with what you really want? Maybe it’s time to create some space from them to free up your energy and time.
What new action will you take to create the space for what you desire?
Next, consider what new action you can take that will move you closer to what you really want. Don’t just think about it, start taking action to create it, and get the support and accountability you need to help you stay on track.
I hope you found this helpful. However, if you find yourself stuck in fear or you’re ready for some support, I’d love to help. Click below to apply for a complimentary breakthrough session.
Also…if there are other topics you’d love for me to address in the blog, click on the Contact page and send me a message. I’d love to hear from you.
In gratitude, Michelle
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