In the current pandemic of COVID-19, it feels as if we’re all being asked to face our greatest fears….fear of scarcity and lack, change and loss, illness and death. No more running, no more hiding. There is no avoiding it, because COVID-19 will impact us all in some way. Therefore, it’s important to learn how to work with fear, so you can reclaim your power.
Here is what I know for sure…getting stuck in fear won’t help, and neither will resisting it.
Resistance
We are wired to seek out pleasure and avoid pain. Therefore, it’s normal to resist fear. We see it as pain or discomfort. That resistance shows up as denial, avoidance, procrastination, escapism, numbing, and even fantasy or magical thinking. Let’s be honest, it’s easier to binge out on Netflix, scroll through social media, or recite positive affirmations, than it is to sit and face our fear. Yet, unfortunately, that only gives fear more power over us.
I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “what you resist, persists”. Well, it’s especially true with our feelings.
When you resist fear, it actually gains more power over you. Further, it leads to a vicious cycle that keeps you stuck. As fear persists, you require more to escape or numb it. Meanwhile, it begins to thrive in the shadow part of your psyche. And, it will begin to emerge in other ways, such as depression, anxiety, anger, relationship issues and unhealthy coping strategies, such as over-eating, over-spending, or drinking too much.
Further, that unprocessed fear can quickly become toxic unhealthy fear, which increases stress, fuels disempowerment, and keeps you stuck. In addition, it weakens your immune system, lowers your resiliency and ability to adapt, contributes to mental illness, and creates more fear in your life. Over time, fear becomes self-perpetuating. Do you see why it may be important to learn how to work with fear, rather than against it?
Healthy Fear
If you read my last blog on How to Deal with Chaos and Uncertainty , you may remember an important distinction I made between healthy fear and unhealthy fear.
Healthy fear keeps us safe, and it’s an important ally that we need to listen to and trust. Healthy fear warns us of potential danger.
It is often first experienced as a physical sensation of arousal or alertness to a potentially threatening situation. It activates the fight or flight response in the nervous system. It’s message is: pay attention and be alert. Healthy fear tells us to take COVID-19 seriously, and to take the necessary actions to keep ourselves safe. I see healthy fear as an aspect of my intuition, so I listen when it shows up. Once I take appropriate action to keep myself safe, healthy fear typically starts to settle, and my nervous system down-regulates to a calmer state.
Yet, where do we draw the line between healthy fear and unhealthy fear?The key is to pay attention to your nervous system, emotions, and your thoughts.
Unhealthy Fear
Even though I call it unhealthy fear, that is not to judge, shame or blame. I use that term simply to differentiate fear into two types, one that keeps us in our power (intuitive healthy fear), and one that disempowers us and keeps us stuck (unhealthy fear).
Unhealthy fear is unregulated and unprocessed fear. It’s fear gone wild. The nervous system and primal brain get stuck in the fight or flight response. This fuels negative rumination and catastrophe thinking, where you can’t stop thinking of the worst case scenarios. It can also lead to an obsession with safety, protection, and survival to the point where your body and mind can’t calm down. You may struggle with insomnia or anxiety, difficulty with concentration, or feel generally restless throughout the day. On the other end of the spectrum, you may fall into depression, despair, or hopelessness.
This can happen if fear is ignored and unprocessed for too long. Remember what I said about resistance? Unhealthy fear is fear that’s gained too much power.
However, unhealthy fear can also result from past trauma or painful experiences. By trauma, I am referring to any past experience in which you didn’t feel safe – physically or emotionally. Trauma impacts the brain and the nervous system, and can lead to patterns of hyper-vigilance and/or hyper-sensitivity. Just like fear, if trauma is unhealed or unintegrated, it can also keep you stuck. Trauma and unhealthy fear are intimately linked.
Stuck in Unhealthy Fear?
If you find yourself in stuck unhealthy fear, it’s so important to work through it with support! There is no shame in unhealthy fear, so please no judgment. Rather, get curious, as it is a warning light indicating something that needs to be processed, healed, and integrated. And it is worth the time and investment, trust me on this. Because unhealthy fear can fuel illness and disease in the body and mind, it disconnects you from yourself and others, and it greatly limits your power of choice.
We do not make our best decisions in unhealthy fear, because the rational part of the brain is literally off-line. I don’t know about you, but that’s not an energy I want to create from, or perpetuate in my life.
How to Work with Fear
The first step in facing your fear is to allow and accept it. To BE with it. That means you need to get fully present with yourself.
BE with Fear
To begin, take time to get quiet and centered. Relax your body and surrender into a space of openness, listening, and receptivity, as if you were holding a safe space someone you love deeply. Next, invite your fear forward, and allow yourself to face it, and accept it, so you can begin to learn from it. Make it a somatic experience of deep surrender.
Remember, you are not your fear. Fear is an experience you’re having in the moment, and it’s information. Observe it.
Much like a warning light in your car; fear is a signal that something in your life needs attention. You are the driver of the car, the car is your life, and fear is a warning light in the car.
What do you do when a warning light comes on? Do you ignore it, and keep driving until the car breaks down, or do you stop and address the issue?
Listen to Fear
The key with fear is to get curious about it and observe it, without judgment, shame or blame. There is no right or wrong, it just is. Too often in our society we are taught to run away from difficult feelings like fear. This is especially true for men, who are often taught that fear is weakness, and it’s not true. Rather, to be self-aware, honest, and willing to face fear is an act of authentic power and strength.
Fear is valuable information. It’s also a part of being human, so never let anyone convince you that your fear is wrong. Further, don’t buy into the story that you should just magically think positive instead. That’s a spiritual bypass that only keeps fear in the shadow, and gives it more power. To reduce fear’s power over you, you have to bring it out of the shadow and into the light of presence.
This is where a meditation practice can be helpful, because meditation teaches you how to be the observer. One of the ways I like to do this is to focus on where I sense the fear in my body. Perhaps it’s a tightness in my stomach or chest, or a heaviness in my gut. Once I locate the energy in my body, I stay present with it, and I breathe into those places.
Next I ask the fear what it wants me to know. What is the warning? Sometimes its obvious, and sometimes it takes a little digging, but if you stay present with the fear, it will inform you.
Next, journal on some of the following questions with radical honesty:
What are you most afraid of right now and why?
How have you been coping with your fear?
Where do you feel powerless in your life?
How have you been coping with feeling powerless?
Go deep on these questions and name it all. It’s an important step to moving beyond your fear.
Feel the Fear
Often, allowing and accepting fear will begin to calm the nervous system, and bring your rational brain back online. The next step, is to feel it. This starts to release the energy of it that’s been stuck within you.
The only way to get to the other side of fear is through it, so allow yourself to move the energy. Sometimes that means crying it out, venting to a friend or in your journal, surrendering it in prayer, or doing some energy clearing exercises like EFT or breath work. The key is to give the fear expression, and to move the energy, so it doesn’t get stuck in you.
For more strategies on how to work with fear, check out my article on Healing Emotional Pain .
How to USE Fear
Once you’ve become informed by your fear, you can begin to utilize it. The first step is to discern between healthy fear and unhealthy fear. You want to work with both types of fear, but how you work them will be a little different.
Healthy Fear
The key to using healthy fear is to listen and take appropriate action; it is your intuition speaking to you.
What is the fear warning you about in the current crisis? What can you DO? Where do you have power to take action and create some certainty for yourself?
Use healthy fear to take the necessary action to protect yourself. Focus on things you have power over, such as boosting your immune system, practicing radical self care, and making any necessary financial adjustments.
You also have power over how you spend your time during quarantine. If you’ve been unhappy in your job, or ready for a change, use this time to learn new skills, start a side business, or update your resume. Just like with your car, once you understand why the warning light is on, take necessary action to service your life.
The goal is to use healthy fear to move you into action and power over what you can control – your response. This is the best way to create certainty for yourself in a challenging and uncertain time.
Unhealthy Fear
When dealing with unhealthy fear, it can be difficult to get your primal brain and nervous system to down-regulate without support. This is especially true if your unhealthy fear is sourced in past trauma.
However, it is possible if you have experience doing so, and/or you have the appropriate tools and resources. With that said, one of the best ways to work with unhealthy fear is to use it as a guide for healing and growth.
What does the warning light of unhealthy fear signal to you?
What area of life get triggered for you? (Example: money, health, relationships, etc.)
And what are the triggers that activate unhealthy fear in you?
You can also dig a little deeper…
Is this fear sourced in the past, such as a painful experience or trauma? If so, what still needs healing or integration?
Why have you been resisting your fear?
How much of is this fear is influenced by the content you consume? (24/7 news cycle, violent movies, tv, and/or video games, etc.)
The next step is to see unhealthy fear as a warning light that’s indicating a need for RADICAL SELF-CARE! Now more than ever is the time to practice self-responsibility around your mental and emotional health. If you need support, please get it! It’s so important.
In addition, be a disciplined guardian of your own consciousness. Limit your consumption of the news, and even TV, movies, video games and social media content that fuel fear, worry, stress, and anxiety. Be informed, but don’t feed your mind negativity all day long. I choose to read the news twice a day, and I limit each session to 10 minutes. I also stick with fact based scientific sites, and avoid traditional media that’s ratings rewarded for promoting fear (the use fear to keep you watching).
In addition, take the time to engage in activities that calm your mind and body, such as exercise, funny or inspiring media, time in nature, meditation, or creative pursuits. This isn’t to avoid or escape fear, but to support yourself through the process of engaging with it.
Reclaim Your Power
In times of so much uncertainty and powerlessness, it’s important to cultivate a sense of empowerment as much as possible. The truth is, you have to move through your fear to get to your power; it’s the only way.
Authentic power is on the other side of your fear.
Here’s the truth…there is no power in denial, avoidance, or escapism. And there is no self-empowerment without self-responsibility, self-awareness, and self-compassion. Authentic power requires emotional honesty, the courage to be with your fear, and a willingness to listen to it, learn from it, and take action accordingly.
You can do this; I believe in you!
Further, I am here to support you. If you are interested individual support, I am taking on new clients, and I’m also offering special deals to support you. To get started, sign up for a complimentary breakthrough session, and let’s see how I may be able to help.
In addition, please reach out here if you have any other topics you’d like me to cover in future articles.
With love and gratitude, Michelle